To the Mom Ashamed to Find Herself Struggling

Ugh, that terrible, sinking feeling of fearing you are not good enough for your family.

It is a lie. It is not true. But the feeling and thought is piercing. 

The shame and confusion that can creep in—the thoughts that whisper, Why is this so hard for me? What does this say about me if I struggle in this way?

Maybe you thought you’d have this figured out by now. Maybe you thought you’d love every moment. Maybe you never imagined motherhood would feel this overwhelming.

And that realization? It can feel brutal.

But can I remind you of something?

How you feel does not define who you are.

“I Should Have This Figured Out”… But Should You?

As a perinatal mental health therapist, I hear so many moms struggling with areas of motherhood that make them doubt themselves and their ability to fulfil their calling. 

Here are just a few examples of the sentiments moms in a season of difficulty may feel ashamed to admit:

• “All I can think about is everything bad that could happen to my kids. I am constantly anxious. Why can’t I just enjoy this season?”
• “I swear I am happy to be their mom, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed that it is hard to like it.”
• “Every other good mom probably knows how to be calm in this situation, why can’t I? I am so ashamed of my reactions lately”.
• “I feel like my husband and I have been roommates since becoming parents and I want to be lovers again. What happened to us? Is there hope for us?”
• “I feel like I should love this part of motherhood, so why do I dread it?”
• “What does it mean about me if this is so hard and I sometimes want to escape?”

These thoughts have a way of turning us against ourselves, turning pain into self-doubt.

It’s already hard enough to feel overwhelmed—but when you start believing that struggling makes you a bad mom, the weight can become unbearable.

You Are Not Your Struggles

One of the most important truths I want every struggling mom to hold onto is this:

Your emotions, thoughts, and symptoms are not who you are.

Yes, you may dislike how you feel, think, or are acting right now. It may even make sense that you do. But that doesn’t mean you should dislike yourself.

• You are not your anxiety.
• You are not your exhaustion.
• You are not your reactions. 
• You are not your overwhelm.
• You are not your level of enjoyment of this season.
• You are not failing.

Struggling in motherhood is not a reflection of your worth.

Motherhood Is Beautiful—So Why Does Struggling in It Feel So Confusing?

One of the hardest parts about struggling in motherhood is that it’s often wrapped in so much love for your children. That contrast can feel jarring—how can something so precious also be so overwhelming?

But just because something is beautiful doesn’t mean it’s easy.

And struggling with a beautiful season of life doesn’t make you a bad mom.

For so many moms, the instinct when things feel heavy is to turn inward—to retreat from transparency and support because of the fear that admitting the struggle will confirm their worst fears.

But isolation only deepens the spiral. Sometimes being alone with our self doubting thoughts can feel dark, lonely, and confusing.

Before This Passes, You Need to Know

You are not your thoughts or feelings. 

I know you didn’t choose this.

And I know this isn’t how you thought it would feel.

But this can be temporary.

And before it passes, if you are a person of faith, I  pray you can hold on to this truth:

• You are good- inherently- you are!
• God sees you as good.
• You have a future, no matter what you have done or been through.
• You and your relationships are not too far gone.
• He cherishes you—not just as a mother, but as His daughter.

“You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you.” – Isaiah 43:4

You are not just a mother—you are His. He sees and understands exactly where you are. He created you as good and He will redeem this difficult season. Not because I said so, but because He did.

“Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:5

And while your cross feels heavy now, please know, He never asked you to carry this alone.

Support Exists For YOU

You don’t have to do this alone. Other moms have walked this path and found a way to the other side. There is healing and hope found in leaning on others. 

You support SO many people in your life. It only makes sense you need support too!

When you’re ready to add someone to your corner to help you begin to pave the way forward, all six of us at Lux Counseling are trained and passionate about maternal mental health!

Four of us are mothers ourselves. We know the pressure. We understand the weight. We have worked with many other women who stood where you are and been able to walk out stronger.

Please please do not be afraid to reach out!

Cheering you on and admiring your efforts,