Are You “Needy” or In Tune with Your Neurobiological and Spiritual Needs?

How many times have you felt embarrassed for wanting deeper relationships? Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, Why do I crave this so much? Am I just being needy? Or perhaps you’ve compared your friendships or marriage to what you see on social media, feeling like something is missing.

Let’s set the record straight—wanting strong, meaningful relationships is NOT embarrassing. It’s a fundamental part of being human.

We often mislabel our longing for connection as “neediness,” but what if, instead, this desire is actually in tune with both our biological wiring and spiritual design? Neuroscience and faith both affirm that we are created for relationships—our need for others is not a weakness but an essential part of who we are.

Why Do I Crave Connection So Much? (Hint: It’s Not Just You.)

Recognizing that our relationships aren’t where we want them to be isn’t something to feel ashamed of. Instead, it’s a signal pointing to a real, God-given need for deeper connection.

Of course, we should strive for healthy attachment and avoid unhealthy codependency. But suppressing our desire for connection—labeling it as weakness—actually goes against both science and scripture.

Think about it: No one blames a baby for relying on others. We expect infants to need care, yet somewhere along the way, we start believing we should outgrow our need for people. But that’s not how we were designed!

Even Jesus Needed People—Why Do We Expect Ourselves to Be Different?

Jesus Himself modeled this truth.

• He came into the world as a baby, completely dependent on others.
• As an adult, He still longed for companionship—in Matthew 26:40-45, He asks His disciples to stay awake with Him in His time of need.

If Jesus, the Son of God, embraced His need for connection, why do we struggle to do the same?

And science backs this up! Research shows that spending time with loved ones releases oxytocin, a hormone that fosters happiness, reduces stress, strengthens the immune system, and even lowers blood pressure (Cacioppo et al., 2013, Heinrichs et al., 2003).

In other words, our bodies, minds, and spirits were intentionally designed for connection.

The Moment I Stopped Calling Myself “Needy” and Started Seeing the Truth

I’ll never forget a season in my life when I felt dissatisfied with where I was at in my life and my relationships. My community wasn’t what I wanted and needed it to be, and I felt frustrated and even embarrassed—knowing what I longed for but not yet having it.

At the time, I told my priest during spiritual direction that my goal was to need people less and rely more on God. It seemed like a noble pursuit—after all, shouldn’t I be self-sufficient in my faith?

But my priest gently reminded me that needing others isn’t just okay—it’s actually good. He pointed out that I was unintentionally isolating God from the people in my life. My desire for deeper relationships wasn’t a flaw to eliminate—it was a part of how God created me.

That conversation shifted my perspective. I realized:

·         I was created by God to need others.

·         My longing for connection wasn’t competing with my relationship with God—He was working through those relationships to love me.

·         My instinct to “self-protect” by minimizing my need for others was actually a form of self-sabotage.

Are You Pushing People Away Without Realizing It?

When we want to protect ourselves from getting hurt, we often put up walls. If we mislabel our desire for connection as “embarrassing”, we might end up isolating ourselves—cutting off the very relationships that could bring healing, joy, and growth.

But here’s the truth:

The human person—at all ages—was created to depend on others.

This is backed by both faith and neuroscience.

So next time you feel embarrassed for craving deeper relationships, maybe try to remind yourself: This desire is not something to suppress—it’s something to nurture.

Instead of seeing God’s love and human relationships as separate or competing, try reframing it: God is loving you through the people in your life.

He is creative in how He shows His love, and He often does so through relationships. Sometimes, we’re just too distracted or guarded to notice.

You Were Made for Connection—Embrace It

Let’s shift our mindset:

• God created us to need others. It’s woven into our biology and affirmed in scripture.
• Wanting strong relationships is a sign of health, not weakness.
• God works through people to show His love.

Next time you feel “needy” for relying on others, remember: You were created this way, on purpose. Your relationships matter, and investing in them is never embarrassing—it’s essential to who you are and has the potential to transform your life for the better.

“No one can live as a Christian without others” St. Augustine

Cheering you on in the pursuit of healthy and fruitful relationships!