To The New Mom In The Thick of It

Your new baby is here! You are a MOM! What an honor and joy and yet- for you, the struggles of postpartum and new motherhood are heavy.

You may have dreamed of this season your entire life or became excited as it drew closer—but now, instead of feeling the joy you expected, you feel dysregulated, unhappy, or constantly worried about your baby.

Maybe your pregnancy was incredibly difficult, or you experienced birth trauma, or the postpartum season has brought up unexpected emotional or relational turmoil, intrusive thoughts, or symptoms you have never experienced before. 

Whatever it is for you, realizing you are struggling in a time such as this? It can feel shocking.

Many new moms ask themselves questions like:

“Is this how it’s supposed to be?” 

“Am I really this bad at this? How do other moms do it?”

 “What happened to me?”

You are not alone in this experience. And struggling in your new motherhood does not mean you’re disqualified for it.

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me It Would Feel Like This?

It is heartbreaking that so many women enter motherhood without hearing the full story—both the beauty and the struggle. 

You may see the Instagram curated version of “picture perfect motherhood” to lead you to believe it should be easy and effortless! Or you may have heard the opposite end with the negative, fear mongering “just you wait” threats of how a newborn will take away your freedom. 

Neither are very helpful when you are struggling because they do not hold space for making sense of the real, hard and beautiful, all mixed up together. 

Due to this reality of a lack of transparency, too many moms feel shame for not loving every single moment. Too many hide the hard parts because they believe they’re the only ones feeling this way. 

Your experience is personal, vulnerable and can be scary to share. So, you put on a mask and pretend it is all okay.

And the result?

Hiding your struggle leads to feeling invisible and alone, only worsening your mental health.

Sadly, so many women feel alone in their postpartum experience and ashamed to admit the reality.

As a perinatal therapist, I work with these moms every day. I see the expectations that don’t match reality, the fear that struggling means failure, and the overwhelming shame that keeps you silent. But then do you know what I also see? The transformation that is possible.

Due to that, I can say that I KNOW you are not alone in your struggle! Please do not fall for the lie that you are.

What If You’re Not Doing It Wrong?

The expectations you hold for yourself and your level of enjoyment of this new season can feel crushing when things are not going as you hoped.

You may wish more people spoke honestly about the dichotomy of motherhood—the fact that both the joy and the hardship can exist together.

It has transformed my own motherhood journey to have women in my life be vulnerable enough to tell me:

You can be a good mom and still struggle. 

Motherhood is not just one thing. It is not just all good or just all hard. It’s often both:

• Both the most incredible blessing and the hardest thing you’ve ever done.
• Both a source of deep joy and purpose and a mirror revealing your deepest weaknesses and fears.
• Both the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

Experiencing both does not mean you’re failing—it means you’re trying.

As Abbie Halberstadt puts it in her book for Christian mothers:

“Hard is not the same thing as bad.”

You can have hard days, hard months, even a hard year—and still be a good mom living out your worthwhile and important calling. Other moms have walked this hard road before and come out on the other end, stronger and more certain of themselves in their motherhood. You can too.

So How Many Other Moms Struggle Like You?

While social circles don’t often talk about it, the truth is, more than 1 in 5 moms experience postpartum anxiety or depression within the first year of their child’s birth.

And that’s just those who report it—the actual number of women who struggle emotionally and mentally in this season is far higher. Many struggle without a diagnosis. 

Diagnosis or not, struggling in motherhood in various seasons is incredibly common! 

You are a new mom navigating something hard and important. This is a huge life transition. Your motherhood is worth the effort of investing in caring for yourself through this hard season.

The Hope Worth Screaming From The Rooftops

A postpartum mental health diagnosis is one of the most treatable diagnoses out there.

(Source: Pearlstein et al., 2020, Shorey et al., 2023, NIMH, 2023)

Relying on countless research and case studies through organizations such as Postpartum Support International, as well as my own experience as a perinatal therapist, reinforces my conviction in saying to you, new mama, this can pass.

There is so much hope for you!!

With creative support structures and access to resources and professional help, so many moms have found healing and confidence navigating new motherhood. 

Motherhood Was Never Meant to Be Walked Alone

Our therapists at Lux would be honored to walk with you on your motherhood journey out of uncertainty and into confidence for how to handle this. We are all trained and passionate about postpartum mental health- ready to be in your corner as we find a way for you to thrive again.

You don’t have to do this alone and this is NOT the end of your story. You’re an incredible mom, I promise.

Cheering you on!

~Lizzy Hollwedel