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I Tried to Pour From an Empty Cup —Here’s What Happened

We’ve been flying a lot lately with our daughter, and every time, the flight attendant seeks us out to remind us:

“In an emergency, put on your oxygen mask before assisting your child.”

I always heard this line before, but I never paid much attention—until I became a mom.

Now, I see it differently. Flight attendants don’t just announce it generally; they seek out each parent, make eye contact, and wait for acknowledgment.

Why? Because without that reminder, most of us would instinctively rush to help our child first, even if it put us in danger.

But here’s the reality: If I run out of oxygen while trying to save my daughter, I can’t actually help her at all.

To care for her, I must also care for myself.

What Happens When We Run on Empty?

I’ve tried—many times—to pour from an empty cup.

I’ve ignored my own needs for sleep, nutrition, prayer, self reflection, community, and movement, thinking I could keep going without refueling. And I’ve seen countless others do the same.

Let me tell you, for me, when I lived on burnout, it was not pretty. An example of how I would do this was in college when I lived a very nonstop life. Let’s say I would notice that I was sleep deprived and make a resolution to get more sleep. Maybe I planned to read my daily meditation and go to bed at 9pm on a given night. But then, a friend would call asking to talk at say, 8:45pm, and I would ignore my plan to sleep and spend time with that friend until late at night. This could have been a great choice if made every once in a while, but this consistent neglect of myself became my unhealthy standard. I lacked discipline and prudence to care for myself well and was just reactively prioritizing responding to others, letting my own health go by the wayside. I skipped prayer time, meals, movement, time alone, and sleep which had detrimental impacts to my mental and physical wellbeing.

When I got to this place of burnout from not taking care of myself, I was irritable, emotionally unregulated, reacted more to little things, was less at peace and less present. In those seasons of pushing my limits nonstop, I felt far from God and like I was failing at everything.

Yes, sacrifice is necessary and part of loving others well. Motherhood, work, and ministry naturally require an ordered disposition of putting others first. However, when we push past our limits for too long, we don’t just suffer—we start to lose the ability to show up fully for the people we love most.

Without our oxygen mask on first, can we show up for others in the way we are called to?

The Research Is Clear: When Parents Neglect Themselves, Their Children Feel It Too

It’s easy to think we can just “power through” exhaustion and while God’s grace is sufficient and He will get us through difficult times, noticing and responding to our human needs is important as well. Especially as a mom now, I see this so clearly. As St. Thomas Aquinas says “grace builds upon nature”. Our natural, human needs matter.

The research done on this topic is incredibly compelling on the cause and effect of us not taking care of ourselves and how this impacts those we love. Countless research shows a parent’s well-being directly affects their child’s health—both physically and emotionally.

Parents experiencing untreated depression significantly increase the risk of their children developing depression.
When a parent is stressed, burnt out, or emotionally depleted, it affects a child’s sense of security and ability to regulate their emotions.

We are too important in our children’s lives to let our own health fall by the wayside. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s essential for raising emotionally and physically healthy kids.

(Sources: Goodman & Gotlib, 1999, Park et al., 2020)

Even Jesus and the Saints Knew When to Rest

We often feel guilty for slowing down, but even those who gave the most to others understood the importance of rest and renewal.

Saint Mother Teresa, one of the greatest servants in history, once told her sisters that if they were too busy to pray, they needed to pray twice as much.

And if we look at Jesus, we see the same:

Before giving His life, He sat down to eat with His disciples (Matthew 26:26).
In the middle of a storm, He slept—fully trusting in God’s timing (Matthew 8:23).
He often stepped away from the crowds to pray in solitude before continuing His mission (Matthew 14:22, Matthew 4:36).

If Jesus—who had the most important work of all—made time to rest and be replenished, shouldn’t we?

What Does Your Oxygen Mask Look Like?

Caring for yourself isn’t just a luxury—it’s necessary. And it doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be simple, small acts to honor the gift of your life that God gave you.

Your “oxygen mask” might look like:

Spending time in prayer to reconnect with the Source of all love
Nourishing your body with good food, adequate hydration, and functional movement
Giving yourself margin, little pockets of time that are open and not hyper productive
Laughing with loved ones to refill your emotional and relational cup
Investing in self growth to explore what your strengths and weaknesses are so you can move past what holds you back from being who God made you to be
Setting boundaries that protect your time and energy so you can have capacity to love those you are called to love well
Getting enough sleep so you can wake up refreshed and present to those in your life