When “Just Stop Worrying About It” Isn’t Working

Don’t you just love when you confide in someone that you are really worried about something and they tell you, “Just stop worrying about it”—as if your brain could just flip a switch and shut off?

Wow. Amazing. Thank you. I am officially free from my anxious thoughts now.

Okay, I’ll drop the sass, but seriously—can we talk about how to actually respond to anxiety? Not just for ourselves, but for our loved ones who come to us when their worries feel overwhelming.

What If We’ve Been Responding to Anxiety All Wrong?

When anxiety creeps in, what does it feel like? What does it sound like? How does it show up in your body?

Instead of rushing to shove anxiety immediately away, what if we befriended it?

Hear me out. I’m not saying we let anxiety run our lives—far from it. But what if, instead of treating anxiety as an enemy, we got curious about why it’s showing up in the first place?

Because here’s the truth:

The more we ignore, dismiss, or shove anxiety away, the more we ignore an important part of ourselves that is calling for help.

Often, the response “Just don’t worry about it” completely dismisses the reality of what someone navigating anxiety is experiencing.

So, let’s try a different approach.

Why Fighting Anxiety Can Backfire

As a licensed clinical therapist who works with anxiety every day, I’ve seen how hard people try to push their fears away—so hard, in fact, that they end up bullying themselves for even feeling anxious in the first place. Spoiler alert: this does not help them gain peace.

Instead of asking, “Why am I feeling this way?” we jump to, “What’s wrong with me for feeling this way?” judgmentally.

But here’s the thing:

Understanding the root of fear doesn’t make anxiety worse—it makes it manageable.

Let’s try it with an example.

The People-Pleasing Anxiety Trap—And How to Escape It

Let’s say anxiety creeps up for you after a social event. Maybe your thoughts are spiraling with “what ifs” about how someone perceived you.

• “What if they misunderstood me?”
• “What if they think I was rude?”
• “What if they don’t like being around me anymore?”

Not fun. Let’s explore this a little deeper.

Step 1: Name the Fear—What’s Really Bothering You?

What are you actually afraid of?

For this example, let’s say your biggest fear is that a friend misunderstood you and might reject you in the future.

Step 2: Ask Yourself—What Does This Fear Say About You?

Instead of immediately trying to push the fear away, be curious about it.

What does this fear of rejection reveal about what you value?

In this case, the fear of rejection might show that you deeply value belonging.

Step 3: Flip the Script—Can We Show Understanding To Your Fear?

Before you try to “fix” or push away anxiety, take a moment to affirm why it’s there in the first place.

You value belonging. That’s a good thing.

God created you with that desire and need.

We don’t want to experience that value through anxiety—but before we shift our response away from anxiety, we first need to recognize and validate the why.

If the underlying need behind our fear is ignored, then any coping strategies we try will feel like surface-level band-aids rather than true healing.

How Jesus Handled Anxiety—And What We Can Learn From Him

When Jesus encountered Martha in her worry, He didn’t start with a judgmental, “Just stop and calm down, you are the worst.”

He said her name twice first.

He saw her in her pain. He acknowledged her identity in the midst of her worries. And only then—after she was truly seen—did He invite her to peace and a way forward.

That part of the story is so important.

We often skip that step—the part where we allow ourselves to be seen in our fear, to be acknowledged for the need anxiety is crying out to meet– before we try to fix anything.

Jesus isn’t afraid to look directly at our worries and to understand our why for how they have come to be. He welcomes us in all our messiness.

And when we allow ourselves to truly see and understand the fear we carry before we push it away, healing can happen. Don’t be afraid to befriend your anxiety, before you strategize how to move past it. And if that feels scary to do alone, the good news is, you don’t have to. 

If you crave accompaniment with the anxiety you’re experiencing, our therapists at Lux are ready when you are to support you working through and out of this. When you’re ready, you can get started here.

Cheering you on as you work hard to find peace!